Shinty 2001

The annual 2001 New Year East v West Shinty Shindig was in fact played during the previous year, on 31't December 2000, due to the timings of ferries, visitors and holidays around the Hogmanay period. I rather wish it had been played in 2001, as the 1st January would have provided ideal conditions for the match, as the few of you who saw daylight that day will be aware: clear skies, light breezes and visible grass. All of these would have been welcome the day before. Instead we had to make do with freezing temperatures, howling sleet-laden winds and a pitch invisible under 6 inches of slushy snow. It is indicative of the hardiness of the island's population that anyone turned up at all. And it is indicative of the fool-hardiness of certain sections of that population that some turned up wearing only T shirts. The wiser players were garbed in full arctic warfare battle dress, and it is probably fair to say that the game eventually went to the team wearing the most layers, and drifted away from the side suffering from hypothermia.

The Referee for the day was Alistair Carswell, who in the absence of Teak, discarded his usual dark glasses and white cane, and sported an Acme Thunderer whistle instead. Not being as experienced a ref as Teak, he had sought advice from the great man prior to departure from Oban, and Alistair admitted after the match that the one nugget of advice offered by Teak was "to be sure that The West End win this time!" I think Alistair can be justifiably proud of his refereeing on the day.

Knowing how sensitive the island is about its geographical definitions, I should point out that this was an East v West match, rather than an Eastend v Westend. Checking on the map, I would put the boundary between East and West when considering selection for the teams, pretty much on the line of latitude 56' 39" North. Just for the record.

At 2 pm two teams of 12 had been assembled, and Referee Carswell took the toss. The winner got to choose which strip to wear. The West won and opted for the classy Blue Tennants Lager tops, while the East had to be happy with the thinner grey/white Staropramen strip. 15 minutes each way was decided on. Form guides indicated that it would be a close game, but it was expected that the youth of the East team would eventually tell. As it turned out the inadequately dressed Eastern youth merely shivered on the wings, throwing envious glances to the warm fugged up cars by the pitch.

To the game itself, the first challenge was to choose a suitable ball that responded well to being hit, was detectable among the snow and was not overly affected by the force 10 gale in attendance. We tried a number, none of which were ideal. The kid's football kept the wingers on the south touch-line busy as it always blew over there within seconds of play commencing. Wind was not a problem for the pink tennis ball, but spotting it among the melee of flailing sticks and wellies and flying snow could prove tricky. If you did detect it, hitting it more than two foot through the thick slush was a major challenge. Consequently periods of play using the tennis ball proved particularly exciting for the crowd, sorry the spectator, with a ruck of a dozen or so players moving up and down the field at the rate of a good six inches per minute, sticks and boots hacking indiscriminately at ball, turf or limb. The West team proved especially adept at this skilled type of play, and threatened the East goal on a number of occasions.

The best ball of the day proved to be an old creel buoy, which responded well to being hit, despite the clawing slush. But it did not respond so well if hit too hard, and a particularly venomous restart by lnnes resulted in both teams being straffed with shards of shattered plastic as it disintegrated. It was back to the tennis ball again. Players worthy of mention were hard to pinpoint, but generally speaking anyone between 5'4 and 5'10 in height, wearing a blue strip and looking like the Michelin Man due to their 17 layers of thermal insulation, tended to have a decent game. More precise identification could tentatively be made by careful observation of the eyes and half a nose, which constituted the only flesh visible on any of these Michelin men and women. Spotting players who had something of an off day was easier, as they were wearing no hats, only a rugby shirt under their Staropramen T-shirts, and they were stationary but for the recurrent tremors wracking them, and their faces were bluey-white, but nonetheless clearly visible.

At the end of full-time, the score was locked at nil all after a scintillating half hour of Shinty that saw the ball move a good twenty yards up and down the pitch. Extra time of 5 minutes each way was agreed on by those snugly wrapped up in Tog24 skiing jackets, and in the final minute of play, a raiding party of at least a dozen hacking and kicking Westerners finally engulfed Scotty in the East's goal, and the well placed referee put aside his drink and cigar, climbed out of the car and came down to award the goal. The West finished the game deserved winners by one score to nil.

The teams and the crowd repaired with haste to Cliad for some much needed heat and refreshment, a bbq being seemingly out of the question. Pots of steaming mulled wine soon warmed everyone up, and once that was finally finished, the six cases of beer generously provided by Tennants were attacked with gusto. The Person of the Match trophy was presented to Fra MacIntyre for her committed and uncompromising play, and The Famous Grouse Trophy to the winning captain, Brian MacIntyre jnr.

Especial thanks should go to the ref, time keeper Angus Kennedy, and First Aid ladies Moira MacIntyre and Alison Fraser, who, disappointed at the dearth of injuries, were forced into assaulting, immobilising and then bandaging up a bemused Steve Dickison. Also to Jim and Esther Houchen for allowing their house to be broken into in search of sticks, and to Kevin and Julie Oliphant for the kind use of their orthopaedic beds in the provision of prolonged post-match physiotherapy. And finally to Tennant Caledonian Breweries for generously providing the strips and refreshment and to The Famous Grouse for donating the trophy. We look forward to seeing you all again at the Shinty next Hogmanay, with the exact date and location being advertised nearer the time in all national papers of course and more reliably, in CIN.

KW.